I am afraid…

I am so afraid!

To love you,

To hurt you,

To give you expectations,

To go against my own made barriers,

To follow my heart,

To think irrationally,

To hope that I can overcome my fears.

Basically I am afraid…

From the whole existence of ‘you’!

That wants to bring out the real me inside this illusional being.


Can I?

I didn’t thought I could fall again,

Then, there you stood.

In front of a sweet shop,
Showing me your phone,

Blinking my name on it…
You were waiting for me.

Without any reason at all…
I laughed, I laughed heartily.

Remember that one time,
We were traveling in a bus,
It was so bright that day,
You sat beside me.

From the window the sun glazed on me,
I was so annoyed!

I kept my head down on the railing in front,

Suddenly a shade came over me…
Like an embrace of your warm winds….

I looked up at you,

Controlling my goofy smile with all effort!

You said, ” That’s my new handkerchief, I bought it with my own pocket money, don’t lose it!

Mom will scold me.”

That’s the time I felt like a deflowered rose

Wanting to fall…swim away and melt into your arms for the first time.


Baby I’m falling in your love,

Because I’m falling too hard,

Because I’m fooling my heart,

Because our souls were never apart.

Don’t ask me when or where!

Don’t ask me how or why!

May be I loved you from the first….

Baby I’ll love you till my last.

P.S.- This is my short 4th song :D.

Loving your memories

Here I am, standing in the middle of the road….

Don’t know which way to go,

Does any… of those leads to you?

I don’t want to choose!

Though I want to forget,

I can’t forget your face.

Loving your memories….

That’s the only thing, I can do.

I remember, all those sweet times….

Our eyes met and we smiled.

I was drunk in your love,

But now I want to cease this pain!

Can I please?

Sometimes I want to hear your voice,

Run back to you,

Still I won’t,

Cause now, my love for you have turned into memories.

That is why, I won’t back down.

Like bubbles in the sky,

Our love will fade….

Cause, loving your memories….

That’s the only thing I can do

Though it seems hard, 

Time will overcome,

Though not in heart but you are there… in my memories.


P.S.-This is my third song 🙂 . Hope you guys like it! ❤ 

I’m Gonna be fine

Somewhere in between… life’s crossroads,

Will you look back?

With that smile of yours….

Oh baby… I still can’t forget,

Our hands mingled.

Do you also feel the same?

Now that we have been separate.

I know that you’ve moved on,

And it’s been like ages,

But I still cherish those little incidents,

In my mind they are haze yet fresh.

Don’t you worry,

I can handle!

Though I admit,

I’m gonna miss you like hell,

And I’m still gonna cry,

But that doesn’t mean that

I’ll not be alive…

Yeah…I’m gonna be fine…

hmm…gonna be fine…one day!

P.S.- This is my second song. 😀

Result of Over Thinking

Sigh! long time no see huh guys…what to do I was some what afraid to post…this is a place where people see and some how judge your creativity and things like that…they don’t know you personally so they just analyse your work and give their feedback…though in my previous posts I have only got positive views on my writing but still somewhere within my heart I was afraid if my next post will not be able to come up to the mark and fulfill your expectations on me, and you find it boring? you guys have confidence but I am a bit lacking in that field…when I read some of posts of other bloggers I see how much good they are in expressing themselves through their writing, their grip of this English language is also very much superior than mine…so I felt like I still have to learn then only I can come back here and do a post, so that I have enough faith in what I am writing and nobody will be able to find faults in it! that’s why I stopped posting…but in actual learning is such a thing no matter how much you learn you will always be like a small drop of the huge ocean of knowledge. Then I figured out the main intention behind why I started to write in the first only…it was nothing very high or mighty type of thought it was just like writing a diary to me…I wanted to write down those things that comes to my mind now and then and pen down it so that all that time that I gave to my these silly imagination does not goes in vain…when we write a diary do we think about what people will think after reading it…I don’t think so, it is just for our own pleasure! and that’s what I am going to once again start doing.It’s not that I have a huge number of followers…nor do I expect that even the finger countable number of followers that I have will read all my posts, so I will not hold back myself now from telling all these silly thoughts of my mind just because you may judge me because in actual world neither you nor I know each other so its totally your own perception what you think of my writing, I will just write for myself! for my love for writing…though still I want to know about what you think about it be it negative or positive. It may have many mistakes and errors…but in this world there are always people who are better than me…but first I will have to stop thinking myself as the least, for which I can’t even present myself in front of them and gain my courage and self confidence…they are good I admit but I am also not too bad right…I will have to first accept myself with all my faults then only people will also be able to accept me just the way I am. Thus, now instead of running away from it I will face my fear head on, and deal with it, so that I can feel good from within, and that excitement of what you may think about my writing “my complete Stranger” thrills me, therefore I want to feel it again. Some times with expectations comes doubts on yourself in that situation instead of backing off, you should at least give it a try…who can say all your self doubting might be absolutely meaningless? and is just a result of useless over thinking!

Liebster Award

Yippee! I just got nominated for the LIEBSTER AWARD by https://shubham14blog.wordpress.com , so I am very thankful to him. It’s my first time being nominated for an award as a blogger so I am very excited. His posts are really very good so I would insist everyone to check it out.

The rules of this award:

1. Acknowledge the blog who nominated you and display the award.
2. Answer the 11 questions the blogger gives you.
3. Give 11 random facts about yourself.
4. Nominate 11 blogs.
5. Notify those blogs of the nomination.
6. Give them 11 questions to answer.

11 Questions posed upon me by Shubham.

  1. Your source of inspiration?                                                                                                   My big brother is my idol, though he teases me very much but still he is like an umbrella over my head. He is like the older and male version of mine sometimes I think.                                                                                                                                                
  2. Which is the place that you desparately want to visit?                                                  Korea. I am a great lover of korean dramas and their music especially the K-Pop groups 😉 . On the other hand I am a foodie, so I want to try out their food as well.                                                                                                                                                
  3. What is your first wish that you will fulfill upon becoming a millionaire?             Buy a house with a swimming pool and a huge garden.                                                       
  4. Your most memorable birthday?                                                                                         My 16th birthday. Some of my friends gathered that year in my house party and we had a blast. I can still remember they smeared cream all over my face, to escape their attack I even tried to get up on the poster of the bed but alas all my efforts were in vain! 😀      
  5. Which is the first name that comes to your mind when i say ‘Music’?                      For now it’s Ed Sheeran.                                                                                                                 
  6. What would you prefer? A trip abroad all alone or a weekend at home with friends?                                                                                                                                          A weekend at home with friends because I just love people, if  I stay a long time alone that also in an unknown place with only unknown people around me and nobody to have a proper conversation with, I would definately get very much bored.                         
  7. Any collection that you are proud of possessing or the one you would like to possess?                                                                                                                                         My music playlists I guess. I have many playlists that describes and goes with the different moods of mine .                                                                                                                              
  8. What are your plans of a perfect weekend?                                                                     Getting up late in the morning followed by a yummy breakfast…then in the the lunch having my Mom’s special chicken curry…in the evening I would like to go on an outing with my family or friends and do some shopping or watch a movie…at last dine in a restaurant and return back to home sweet home. :p                                                                  
  9. According to you, which is the most irritating task of your daily routine?             Waking up early in the morning.                                                                                                  
  10. As a kid, which was your favourite TV show?                                                                    Shinchan. I and my brother used to watch this show together so it bring backs sweet memories, he was like the Shinchan to my Himawari though we were not as strange as them 😀 . I also liked watching Doraemon.                                                             
  11. What can make your anger rise instantly? Can you keep a check on your anger?                                                                                                                                         My Mom trying to force feed me, when the menu is yucky.                                             Yeah I think so, if you know me personally you will tend to find out that me being angry is not a common phenomenon, when it happens also it’s like camphor doesn’t lasts very long and I prefer to keep quiet when I am angry, because if it isn’t my fault I let the others admit their own mistake by their own realization, and if it’s my fault then I rather prefer to keep quiet because it’s better to admit your mistake, than screaming and talking crap and making the situation worse….                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

11 random facts about me are:

  1. I am a dancer.
  2. I am a singer.
  3. I can play synthesizer.
  4. I like cooking.
  5. I love eating chicken but can’t stand mutton. Yeah… I know most of you will think am crazy.
  6. I love watching korean dramas.
  7. I am a music addict you can say.
  8. My favourite colours are dark blue and red for now cause it just keeps changing with time don’t ask me why! afterall I am a teenage girl only….
  9. My birthday is on the 1st of July.
  10. My mother tongue is Bengali.   
  11. I love the scent of petrichor.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

I would like to nominate the following people:

  1. Farwa Khan
  2. besondersite
  3. Mark Jacobs
  4. Pippa Peters
  5. madona2017
  6. Bhavana Jha
  7. accidental_writer
  8. Saurabh
  9. #innerspirits
  10. adorn
  11. Umesh Dhakal

    Questions for the nominees:

    1.What is your hobby?

    2.If you were given a time machine in which you can go back to past just once what would you do?

    3.Your favourite movie or book?

    4. One thing that you can’t do properly?

    5.Your interests?

    6.Your favourite food?

    7.Your dream vacation?

    8. Most memorable incident of your life?

    9.If you were given 3 wishes by a genie what would you want?

    10. Any nice suggestions regarding my blog?

    11. Why did you became a blogger?

    P.S.- Thank you once again Shubham for nominating me. I hope my nominations will also have fun while doing this.


Away from my home town,

In this rain down pouring day.

So close to you now,

But I can’t go back again.

I close my eyes and see you surprised,

You can’t believe my presence.

You hugged me tight,

And then in shy you drawback yourself…

(Wo u wo o wo o o o…)

When I really came close to you,

I saw my dream is fake-not true.

It went like a thunderbolt,

When I suddenly came awake…

Now, after 5-4 years have passed,

You came to me at last.

And asked my hand for you…

But the pain that you gave to me,

Was not so small to free,

That I will accept thee.

And I,

who you have betrayed once,

Have got another chance

So I won’t even give you a glance…

And this is the Reality!

P.S.- This is my first song lyrics. Hope you guys like it 🙂 and don’t forget to leave your feedback…it really means a lot to me. Thank You. 😀

See You


Life is like a story book….you have to finish one chapter to go to the next one but that doesn’t mean you will forget about the previous chapter cause if you don’t remember or accept the previous one then your next chapter also becomes incomplete and meaningless….


With “Like I’m gonna lose you” beaming into Raina’s ear she picked up all the items from her shopping trolly and kept it on the counter for the cashier to bill . “ Its fifteen hundred and seventy five rupees Mam…. thank you…. please come again.” the young handsome male cashier gave a shy smile to Raina, Raina who is very much used to this unwanted male attention just said thanks with a small smile and nodded goodbye.

Getting on her scooty she went to her new apartment in south Kolkata in which she has shifted only yesterday after spending five years in Bangalore with her cousin sister as a music teacher and then got transferred to Kolkata. As her wish she had bought a flat in 15th floor with a wide semi circle varandah with an egg shaped swing and a white painted wooden coffee table beside it, in which her half finished novel is lying.

Keeping the groceries in the fridge she began to prepare some coffee in her coffee maker and went inside to freshen up. After changing she stood in front of the mirror combing her tangled long black hair staring at the pale but pretty round face in the mirror with a small pink mouth, a sharp nose and huge dark brown beautiful but sad eyes which are looking back to her baring her empty soul. The coffee machine beeped she took her cell phone and ear phones out from her handbag, poured a cup of coffee and went to the verandah to sit in the swing and enjoy the winter sun along with the beautiful scenery of her colony and some music to accompany. Her phone rang flashing “principal sir”  on the screen. “hello sir…how are you?….ya am also doing fine just a bit tired with the shifting….don’t worry sir I will be totally fit, you will  also agree when you see me tomorrow….i don’t want to postpone my joining its quite boring here alone in this house. I eagerly want to meet my new students now….I know you always see me as your little girl but I have grown up sir now instead of being worried about my health you should take more care of your own….(laughing) no you are forever young and handsome sir….I will still fall in love if once again I see you in that black suit like James Bond you used to wear….okay see you tomorrow then….bye ”.

Raina took a sip of coffee which was by now had become cold…suddenly a very familiar song in a very familiar voice began to sing “Thinking out loud” in her ears…Raina sighed and chose the option of repeating the current track and closed her eyes a tear trickled down over her cheeks.

Chapter 1

Today I am going to Kolkata to achieve my degree from one of the most reputed and my dream university that is Calcutta  University of art and music, though I have lived my whole life till now in hostel as my parents passed away when I was five years old from then till now my aunt had looked after me, I am not Cinderella so my childhood was quite nice as my uncle, aunt or my cousin sister Mia none of them treated me as an outsider they always considered me as their family in spite of what people say on my back about my rudeness which I think is actually being straightforward, its just that am not a sweet Indian girl material but I just don’t give a damn about what people think of me so ultimately my life is perfect with a loving family, my dream and passion to study music and with my rich parents money on my name.

After getting off from the taxi I was struggling with my huge trolley as I had to climb the stairs leading to my hostel “Oh God this bag is heavy! Please send an angel to help me with this small elephant…” as soon as I finished my prayer I felt my bag had suddenly became very much lighter I opened my eyes to get a glimpse of my angel and saw a girl who was holding the other handle of my trolley. “ Hi! I am Amisa Sen…” she said.” Hi! I am Raina Ganguly” I introduced myself. ”I am staying in room no. 7… It’s nice to meet you” she smiled at me. “ Wow I am also allotted room no. 7… I guess we will be roommates then.” I smilingly replied. We walked into our room which is in the second floor it’s not so big but its okay types… it has two single beds in the north and west side of the room and beside each bed there is a study table, two wall cupboards, a bathroom and two windows one between the separation space of our consecutive beds overlooking the hostel garden, a sweet smell of belle came in with the gentle breeze through it and the other one which is above the poster of my bed is closed.

“ I have unpacked my stuffs in the right cupboard… so the left one is yours, you should also unpack your stuffs… if you need any help you can always ask me…you must be tired so take some rest first, then do work meanwhile I will go and take a quick shower it’s very humid today! I am feeling so stuffy, the heat is killing me… okay” Amisa said all animatedly while going inside the bathroom. I laid back in my bed opening by snickers “hmm not bad… thank God for giving me a good roommate… oh loads of things to do and I have no energy left in my body… Nah I have to at least report my arrival first then packing can be done later”. I got up and went to the reporting counter of hostel administration the receptionist Ms. Swati Mondol as her batch said, asked how can she help me, I answered “I am here to check in room no. 7” but oddly my words came out in unison with a male voice I looked at the reason for this unison and saw the same expression as of mine copy pasted on that boy’s face that is of SHOCK. Once again in unison both of us squeaked in horror “Avi!” “Rai!” in awkward silence we completed our formalities of checking in and returned to our rooms and collapsed in the bed as if a dead body “why God why? Why Avi only of all the people in the world!” I stuffed my pillow in my face in order to commit suicide then got choked so got up and took long breaths… the air is still not sufficient enough as I was feeling stuffy so I opened the window and instead of replenishing the oxygen, all oxygen got drawn out of my lungs… what on Earth… the view of my window was Avi’s window, with Avi gaping at me and equally astonished as myself, with a 5 feet distance between us… then both of us tried to smile but instead some awkward and more weird expression came out and we both closed the window as quickly we could. My heart is beating 120 per minute this is driving me nuts really! “God was being in the same college less unfortunate that you did this to me so that every time I open this window I will have a coronary attack? I am damned truly” I sank into my bed and muffled my curses with the pillow.

Flashback: 2007 class 10 farewell day, I have worn a red georgette sari with a thin silver border and tiny white stones all over the sari making it glimmer in lights along with jhumkas light makeup, coral red lips and some kajal, I have left my hair down… I kind of look good today I have to admit. I meet with my friends and was having a great time the music was beaming and we were all dancing. One of my friends, Mousumi requested me by shouting into my ears above the loud music to bring our Power Point Presentation that we have made as a farewell gift for everyone which was in her bag in our computer lab. I went to the lab and was searching for the bag and found out she had kept it on top of the cupboard for security purpose obviously, but she was tall enough to reach it which unfortunately I was not, so I brought a chair and got it, while I was getting off from the chair I lost my balance and was going to fall down then suddenly from nowhere Aviraj who was one of my classmate the naughtiest who always teased me as my dad’s (adopted) name was also Aviraj and called himself my daddy and treated me as a toddler always… so its obvious I don’t like him at all, caught me. “Ooooh oooooh oooooh” he also lost his balance and we both fell down, do you think this is the end of my mysteries no freaking no… cause first of all I was accidentally lying on Avi and my lips was on his lips can you freaking imagine… I had my first kiss of my life with a boy whom I hate in the entire school! I got up hurriedly all flushed and awkwardly ran out of the room leaving Avi gaping blankly at the door.

After that day we fortunately never meet face to face and were out of touch so eventually I forgot about that, but now seeing him here is like going back to that situation of my 15years old self though I am 18 now for God sake.

*  *  *

Avi closed the window in lightning speed what the crap… was I not enough damned earlier to face her, that now I had to face her every day… grow up man its just that she took your first kiss but that feeling of my heart beating so fast that I was unable to breathe for five minutes, I stayed there all stunned that day and came to my senses when my bladder was about to burst, who could have thought in the way to one’s nature call such a disaster could happen. After the farewell I took extra care during the examination days not to face her always sneaking out from wherever she was present… I used to treat her as a toddler and called myself her daddy but after that incident I was the one who acted like a toddler avoiding his mother’s eyes after doing a blunder. No that can’t repeat once again, I have to man up my courage and face her coolly… it’s not that I didn’t got kissed after that but with her it was different surely, no no don’t go there Avi think straight… maybe instead of avoiding her I should face her and maybe we could go back to our old selves without any awkwardness and become friends… that kiss was nothing after all it was merely an accident that’s it… yeah… yeah… you tell yourself that boy… shut up conscience!

“ Bro at least open your shoes before lying on the bed… who knows from where-where the dirt is in it… even dog poop may be in it… gross!’ that was my roommate Karan cleanliness freak from the time I have moved in he had annoyed me to hell don’t dirty this and that always nagging, he looks like a younger version of Ramlal Kaka our steward in my house wearing boxers and t-shirt a cleaning cloth in his hand and a high power pair of glasses. I don’t think I can stay with him I will have to negotiate with the warden for changing my room… Nah Nah don’t get the wrong idea I am not running away from facing Rai everyday it’s just that I want to lead my messy comfortable boys life… I afraid of facing Rai? huh pfft… I am Aviraj Chatterjee son of chairman of “Skylark” music group of industries and co-founder of Calcutta University of art and music for god sake! Rai is just like a fly to me where I am the cow… wait! did I just called myself a cow? Oh Avi you have become mad.

*   *   *